


bazooka

by mikiruma



Category: Pop'n Music, Pop'n Music (Game)
Genre: F/M, Gen, I'll add more as I update, M/M, Other, hes also stupid and immature give him time, nobody knows mzd is god, not rated bc idk where this is going, yes more asshole pining & shithead wingman maybe thats my jam rn lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-09 22:25:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19485241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikiruma/pseuds/mikiruma
Summary: why tell someone you want to be more than friends when you can just.. not? because your assistant might hire some hotshot with a novelty gun to convince you to. don't worry, he won't be the only one- he's got friends in (too) many places he wants you to meet, and we're finding as many as we can.mzd and kakeru are equally stubborn but i promise things happen.i'm going to update this. i spoke it into existence.





	1. Corner of Tune Street & Sunny Park

**Author's Note:**

> oh rhythm games?????
> 
> this is very weirdly placed on the timeline, i think. i kind of imagined this to be early 2000's/late 90's, def before pop'n 2 when mzd was introduced & his godhood publicized, but after pop'n 1 because the townsfolk are obsessed. it's more like a weird in betweener. anyway don't think about it too hard, point is this isn't present day and the game canon is muddled.
> 
> also!! the chapter titles are gonna be locations or specific people these guys run into. i won't be having them meet every single pop'n character, unfortunately, that would take too long. i do want to fit as many as i can while still being reasonable.
> 
> anyway enjoy!!

A god asking for a human's help isn't a favorable situation.

Hatena thinks this guy is the real deal- some sort of 'guru’ to sort out my emotions. I was expecting some sort of punchline, but instead I got a place and time to meet up with 'em. Sunny Park, 2:30. Was told I'd know when I'd see him.

The temperatures were beginning to drop as winter slowly marched in, evident in the warmly clothed townspeople. Tune Street was bustling as always, meaning it was crawling with tourists and street performers. Much of the crowd was indoors to avoid the chill, which was lucky for me trying to find my new assistant.

Sure enough, upon arriving at the sparsely populated park, I spot my helper of the day- the familiar red hair, black cap and bright pink weaponry manage to stick out between the already diverse crowd. His name's on the tip of my tongue..

“Hey, MZD!” He grips my hand tightly and flashes a smile.

“The one and only.” I respond, shaking back. “You must be..”

“Kakeru!” He says. “Here, have a seat. I'm just checkin’ up on the misses.” Kakeru's holding his grin as he eyes his flip phone, and I'm almost jealous. He's so relaxed about his girlfriend..

Reluctantly I join him on his blanket, watching as he brings his oversized gun to his lap to buff the barrel. How can he even lift that?

“So.. what's the cannon for?” I smirk. “Nobody's getting shot, I hope?”

Kakeru stops, processes my jest, then busts out laughing. “Maybe!” He cries. “I like to think this could rival Cupid's bow. Without the dangerous arrows, at least.”

I nod, mostly out of concern.

“Oh don't worry, it doesn't hurt- not physically.” He winks, pointing it directly at me. “It's the LOVE-BA-ZOOKA! One blast of this baby and you're set for love!”

This guy has a cheesy spiel to go with his gun? He can tell I'm hardly amused. He nervously chuckles and sets the gun back in his lap.

“So, ah.. you're looking to woo your beloved, yes?” The human inquires.

“I wouldn't say he's 'mine.’”

“.. An ex?”

“Gods, no! We just.. *I* haven't asked him yet.” Hatena knows I've been pining for this other dude for a while, as embarrassing as it is to admit. We're already fairly close, I get along great with his friends..

“Ah.” Kakeru sets aside the cannon and leans in. “Why haven't you?”

“Irrelevant. That's why you're here.” Truth is, I had every reason I wanted to, but I'm not about to be hounded by the other deities over playing favorites. Or rejection. An inevitable response, but I can't be bothered with the option of failure.

Kakeru nods and types something into his phone. Is he.. taking notes?

“Mhm. And who's the fella you're after?” He asks, eyeing me. I can feel my face flush, and it's not pleasant.

“You.. need to know this?”

“Well, I don't need a name, but a quick description usually helps- you know, their personality and some such. I am coaching you on this, after all.”

Ugh. This guy would figure it out anyway, it's not like my 'crush’ is a nobody. Far from it, actually.

“Ash.” I gulped. It felt weird admitting it to someone I had just met, especially since I was only recognizing it myself. Of course I misjudged, and I can see him struggling to keep his jaw from dropping.

“Ash? Like, _Deuil_ Ash?!” Kakeru cries.

“Keep your voice down..!” I grumble, well aware of the stares we had attracted. The human nods sheepishly, apologizing.

“Sorry, I didn't realize you were trying to ask out one of the most popular Pop'n stars on the planet.” Kakeru gushes. “I don't blame you for asking for my help though. For jobs this important, we can't afford to screw around..”

Even in a world where everyone practically worships the same video game, it's hard for most to not end up putting the bigger celebrities on pedestals. I know Ash won't care if I fall flat on my face through the ordeal, but minimizing those risks are why Kakeru is here, I suppose.

“So you'll help me?”

“O-of course!!” He says, brandishing his bazooka once more with fire in his eyes. “I'll do everything in my power to help you win the heart of your beloved! I won't let you down!”

Aside from sounding like an anime protagonist, the enthusiasm he's oozing is putting me at ease.

“Now,” Kakeru stands up, bringing me with him and grinning into my glasses, “Let's show him what you're made of!”


	2. Tune Street Back Alleys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mzd doesn't appear to be breaking out of his shell anytime soon. nothing a bite to eat can't fix.
> 
> also i just figured out how drafting chapters works! yes hi hello

The human, while dedicated to his job, was equally invested in picking me apart- even moreso the week after our first meeting. I'd indulged him on our current status- not quite friends, certainly not lovers, and he STILL craved more. I even asked if he'd just use his bazooka and get it over with, but he adamantly refused. I wondered if he enjoyed the work, partially, but considering he's a popular matchmaker, he maybe enjoyed the drama as well.

Today, however, he had dragged me out late in the evening to eat dinner while we focused on something other than psychological prying. I never ate often, so I was glad to go, even with the sudden weather shift. With light snowfall and frozen streets, a quick stroll to this restaurant wouldn't have been unbearable. Unfortunately I was still with Kakeru, and he was still attempting to coach me.

“What else is there to say?” I sigh. “We know everything about each other. Well.. mostly I know him, but.. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him, isn't that enough?”

“MZD.” Kakeru stopped me with his hand on my shoulder. “You're thinking a little too much about this, yeah?”

“A healthy amount of skepticism doesn't hurt anyone.”

“I hope you don't stay this prickly around Ash.”

“I don't! I'm just a little on edge when strangers try to play therapist.” Mortals, specifically.

Kakeru paused. “You said Ash didn't know much about you, right?”

“He.. he knows enough.” I dip my nose into my bandana. “I'd tell him more, but I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't want, y'know?”

The redhead nods, as if he understands. “So.. communication's the area you wanna work on then?”

“I suppose.. wait, I thought we weren't prodding my brain anymore?”

Kakeru grins. “Oh, that's not it! We're getting into the actual training- and this is the perfect spot to study up!”

“What do you..?” Taking in our surroundings, I notice we had stopped in front of a quaint family restaurant; Where we had been frigid before, the building was radiating a warmth that was almost as inviting as the savory scents pouring from the opening door. Kakeru drags me inside, and I hardly protest. I guess if he's not playing therapist, a meal couldn't hurt after all.

“Taro! Okon!” Kakeru calls towards the kitchen. “We got company!”

Near instantly, the couple emerges from the back- first a tall, fox-like woman carrying food menus, then her much shorter dog husband trailing behind. The trio greet each other excitedly as I take a seat, and I pick up some of their exchange.

“How's the matchmaking going?”

“Is that one of your clients?”

“I don't want to spoil the fun for him, but…”

As they plot across the dining room, I can feel Hatena's ever looming presence in the back of my mind; Even though we aren't attached physically, he still worms his way into my head to check in.

“If you weren't my assistant, I'd smite you on site.” I mumble into my fist. “Why was this a good idea again?”

 _You really like Ash,_ Hatena pulses. _But I know you, MZD. You don't like asking for help or conversing with mortals, but you need to do these if you want to thrive here. Have patience._

“You think I don't know that?”

_I'm just nudging you in the right direction.. You don't have to follow everything this guy says, but please consider it._

Hatena dissipates before I can protest- right as the trio return to the table. They're empty-handed, which isn't heartbreaking, though I could have romanced a hearty pork bowl in the time it would take them to explain abstract concepts in their absurdly simple ways.

"So, MZD," Kakeru begins. "This is Taro & Okon. They run this restaurant, and help me with clients from time to time."

I only nod.

"It's an absolute pleasure to meet you," Okon says, gently touching my hand with both of hers. "Kakeru says you've got a lot on your plate, so my husband and I want to help!"

'Husband.' That's why we're here.

Taro plants his front paws on the table with vigor. "Absolutely! With a client this big, we have no room to screw up!"

Yep, they've definitely worked together before.

"Don't intimidate him, honey," Okon gently touches the dog's shoulders. He relaxes and apologizes quietly, but the fire's still there. They're worked up about this, huh?

"Listen, guys," I sigh weakly. "I know you're only trying to help, but I promise I have things figured out."

"What?!" Kakeru nearly shouts. "B-but I brought you all this way.. don't you at least want to hear what they have to say?"

"What would it matter? Ash wouldn't care how I tell him."

"Wait. Ash.." Taro mutters. "That names familiar. Do I know them?"

"Isn't he a drummer?" Okon wonders to her husband. I just groan and hope they don't beg for autographs.

Kakeru cuts in before anyone can get off track. ".. Anyway! I think our boy here needs convincing. Is the kitchen still running?"

"O-oh, of course!" The couple seemed to have forgotten they were still running a restaurant. Without even asking for an order, the two rush off, giggling like school girls. What are they excited about..?

".. You've resorted to bribery." I state. I'm not even upset- I'm not exactly known for being a doormat, so this guy must really be determined.

"Gotta knock that sourpuss charade out somehow." Kakeru winks at me, leaning back in his chair as he procedes to use our table as a foot rest.

"Well… I suppose I could hear them out if there's food."

"Good. They're talented chefs, you won't be disappointed."

"Are you gonna keep buying me food if I stay stubborn?"

"Don't push it." He playfully punches my arm. "I just need ya relaxed for the coming days."

"What are you, a matchmaker or a life coach?"

"Love and life go hand in hand, my guy. Gotta make sure you're putting the right _you_ out there for the best possible returns."

".. What?"

"Listen, the way you talk about Ash, you two seem like you got a good thing goin'. I don't imagine it got that way because you moaned and complained the whole time, huh?"

"Okay, I know I complain, but I don't _moan._ "

"Right, you groan." He smirks at me. "We'll save the rest of that lecture for another time. I want you to actually stay so you can eat."

I just roll my eyes. Hatena sure knew what he was doing- even if I wish he didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh this was ready for a while flkdgjdf figured id post now since i havent mad much motivation to finish this lately. i havent forgotten tho!!! i just like swamping myself w 5000 other personal wips LMAO
> 
> kakeru-kun is a gem please bring him back konami :pensive:

**Author's Note:**

> aaand there ya have it! another finished wip, this time from... last november, i think? pop'n isn't nearly as popular as tf2 so i was debating on even publishing this, but i figured as long as i'm posting (mostly) finished content, i might as well plop this down here too. :P plus i feel like i've mentioned it at least once or twice since i started, lol.
> 
> criticism/feed back appreciated! <3


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